"California has too many chihuahuas" reads a one of the latest findings from the latest issue of Harper's Magazine, a liberal compendium of interesting, astute, esoteric, or just darned nutty facts and articles from around the literary globe. Findings is their science corner; a carefully collected consortium of the latest, er, findings from leading scientists. And apparently, California has too many chihuahuas.
But I already knew this, living in California. I often see these little intelligently designed rat dogs in the clutches of moderately attractive females, as if the little accessory acts to draw attention away from whatever flawed feature said girl desires to draw attention away from. Fortunately, it seems as if the trend is dying off a bit, as it's less frequent every day that I see pooches on hooches, completing their ensemble de grace.
But today, I saw something that really did boil my mind chihuahua. A woman, a plain woman, plain as could be, walking down the street pushing a frilly pink baby carriage, carrying what to my wondering eyes should appear to be a French Bulldog, wearing an equally frilly pink blouse. Without even thinking, I found not only my fist clenching, but my brain clenching as well, and as I had no idea how to express my rage at such a stupid stupid America, I just kept walking.
This has got to stop.
Dogs are not accessories. In addition to the fact that these sorts of dogs often come as the result of horrible cruelty and trafficking they make you look like a self loathing strumpet.
Dogs are some of the best pets one could ever ask for, apart from a good woman - maybe even better if they're house trained. But please - enough with the purse-chihuahuas, the bulldogs in blouses, and any 'pet' more meant to make you look good than to make you feel good. It's 2010. Let's get real.
By the way, I've learned from Harper's Findings that we've successfully captured and released a nothing.
Wait, what?
